Who actually needs whom?

Sometimes a couple can be perfectly happy without feeling that deep-seated yearning to become parents. We personally could imagine no greater joy than having and bringing up children; we love every moment that we can be with our own kids, and are happy and grateful that we can blend family life with our own hotel work. When I was a child myself, my mother was always there, even though she worked all day in her parent’s small hotel and somebody was always calling for her. Now that I think about it, though, we always enjoyed the quiet security of knowing that our parents were close by; even if they didn’t always have time, they were there. Today, I am experiencing exactly the same situation from the opposite point of view: I am physically there for the children when they need me—but what happens when it's the other way round, when I am longing to be with them? What if I have time, but my kids don’t? Can I organise my time differently, and spend it with my children as much as I would like? Although it’s easy enough to find solutions that work fairly well in everyday life, it can become a real challenge when we’re on holiday. 

I grew up in the mountains, which is probably why I love spending my holidays by the sea. To my mind, there’s nothing nicer than spending the day on the beach and playing with my two daughters. And my children? More often than not, they prefer going to the play area, especially when there’s the prospect of making new friends. I have to admit that, even though I know I can’t, I’d love to join them. 

As time goes on, one can’t help but come to the painful realisation that the kids need us less and less, although you still need them. You wouldn’t believe how many play areas and parks I’ve wished weren’t there over the years. Because if they hadn’t been there, we could have had fun together. 

The girls always had a great time anyway, and I was alone with my feelings. No doubt that’s just the price you have to pay when little kids gain their independence (as they should): the time you spend together simply becomes shorter and shorter, from childcare to kindergarten to full-time school and those accursed smartphones – and by then, it’s almost time for them to go off to university. 

But I must make it clear, lest there be any doubt: I love seeing my children transition from childhood to adulthood, and I’m anything but a super-mum, a helicopter mum or whatever other terminology there may be. I simply enjoy being with my daughters, and have decided to make better use of the time I have with them. Not because my children would miss out if I didn’t, but because it does me good. Is that selfish? Is it a guilty conscience? The girls always find exciting new things to do with their days, with or without me, but it’s time that, to me, is lost and gone. What do you think? 

Reflections of Karin, hostess and mother